I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
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