Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
