Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
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