They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
