Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
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