I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
