my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize
