Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
