youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Randomize
