I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!�
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
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