I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
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