Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
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