I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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