you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
