My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
