My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
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