Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
