i just made my gag reflex go away.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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