The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
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