Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
