Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
