you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Randomize
