god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
