This is not my ceiling
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
