I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Randomize
