The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
