Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
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