yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
