Swine flu. Run for my life!
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
