how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
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