I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
