I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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