dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
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