Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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