If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Randomize
