normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
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