We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Randomize