You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Randomize
