Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
