i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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