:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
