shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
