I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
