You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
there is glitter all over my balls
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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