I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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