I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
