We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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