do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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