I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
