This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
