Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
